Sexuality: False beliefs

By Shebnem Sadıgova

A man must know how to please any woman.

Firstly, it gives the wrong message of that a man shouldn’t be questioning his sexual skills but when problems do arise, this incomprehension makes them question their masculinity and aggravates the already problematic situation. A man who can’t satisfy his wife (or partner) sexually; make them reach orgasm, will not think of this as a soluble problem and will hold this against himself as evidence of his lack of masculinity.

If there is no blood in the first intercourse, the woman is not a virgin.  

Many tragic events happened due to this misbelief in our country. Bleeding can’t be the sole evidence of virginity. The hymen is an elastic, smooth, thin as onion skin with a hole (sizes vary) in the middle membrane that is located just a couple centimeters inside of the vagina. It has capillary blood vessels on it. When something bigger (penis?) than the hymen hole is inserted, the membrane will stretch and capillaries break which will result in 1-2 drop of blood or not.

A woman who expresses her sexual desire is a woman of indecent nature.

This belief not only restricts women’s sexual life, but it also causes their husbands to be judgmental against them. Upon meeting a lustful woman who doesn’t belong to an innocent woman category he designed in his mind, a man puts her into “not fit for serious relationship” category in order to feel safe. Only with such kind of woman he thinks he may have a casual sexual relationship because otherwise he just loses himself not knowing what to do or how to behave in such a situation. This is the very reason why most husbands; especially ones who aren’t confident enough in themselves, worry when their wives openly express their sexual desires. As a result of this misbelief, a woman conditions herself to have sex only when her husband wants it.

Men mustn’t openly express their emotions (cry, love, etc).

This false belief plays an extremely restrictive role in both bilateral relations and sexual life of men. The myth “Men don’t cry” is a hindrance to men’s’ emotions and attitudes in terms of expressing their feelings, expressing their desires, and especially what they do not want. Democracy in bilateral relations and sincerity are one of the key factors of a comfortable relationship.

Can men have sexual reluctance?

Yes! While people think that men are always ready for sex at any time and their sexual desires never deplete, the answer to that question is Yes. Even though sexual reluctance isn’t an uncommon occurrence, among men and women, it is always thought that men are always lustful. Moreover, this myth is so widely accepted that a woman whose husband shows little interest in sex, still continues to believe it for a long time. Because if their husband is reluctant to have sex with them, they think of the possibility of another woman first. Men can’t resist a sex opportunity, so they believe he’s having sex with someone else. Having reduced sex drive for a man isn’t even an option.

Because of the false beliefs mentioned before, men force themselves to get into sexual contact even if they do not want to. With this, they may be hurting their relations and friendship which are more important matters. This belief forces women to think any man that approaches them does so with sexual intentions and on the other side of the coin, men think they must feel sexual desires towards any woman who shows a little bit of interest in them.

Useful resources:

Kaschak E, Tiefer A New Look of Women’s Sexual Problems. The Howarth Press, 2001
Cessation Sexuality and Sexual Disorders, 2001
CETAD, Sexual Health and Reproductive Health Survey, August 2006
Panthaki, Dhun. Education in Human Sexuality, 1997
Reay Tannahill, Sex in History 1980

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